I Put Marks On My Liver To Heal My Heart.

The piano solo of "Don't Stop Believing" filled the air as I stood atop my coffee table, belting out the lyrics at the top of my lungs. All of my closest friends surrounded me, their faces lit up with joy as we danced and sang our hearts out. Laser lights cut through my dimly lit living room, casting a mix of colors on half-empty bottles scattered around. This scene at Stonehouse in the early 2010’s was a testament to the unbreakable bonds of friendship and the celebration of life that I so desperately needed during that time.

Throughout my childhood, I had seen the darker side of alcohol in my own home. My parents were frequent users of alcohol that left a lasting impression on me, and I was determined to never let it dominate my life in the same way, especially after their premature deaths from health issues stemming from smoking and drinking.

In the midst of the darkest chapters of my life, when grief and loss consumed me, alcohol flowed freely at these gatherings. I don’t remember using it to numb the pain, but rather, as a source for camaraderie and connection. It also never felt like it had control over me. We were young and caught in the whirlwind of life's party era, where alcohol was a close companion.

The memories of those wild nights at Stonehouse are now just bittersweet nostalgia. As I reflect on the past, I can't help but wonder what toll those nights took on my health. My liver shows the scars of my past, a sobering reminder of the price we sometimes pay for the choices we make.

Yet, the friendships forged in those crazy times provided light in a storm, guiding me through the darkest of days. Even as I left Stonehouse for Vancouver Island, the gatherings continued. New friendships blossomed, and the laughter and support grew stronger.

Today, I view alcohol with a different eye, understanding the damage it can cause. I would never condone the use of alcohol, but know it as a truth of my past. I focus on the strength and depth of the friendships nurtured during those defining moments in my life. It's impossible to know what would have been different without alcohol in the mix, but I have no regrets. In a way, it was the necessary evil that brought us together during those formative years.

As I stand here today with an even healthier relationship with alcohol, I can't help but feel a hint of sadness for the price my body has paid. However, I truly believe that the marks on my liver is a price for the invaluable connections and life lessons that have shaped my journey. It has taught me to take better care of my body today. The path I've walked has made me who I am today, and I wouldn't change that.

Again, I want to emphasize that this is by no means an endorsement of alcohol; but a story of my personal experiences and relationship with alcohol. If you believe you may have a problem with alcohol or just wish to gain a deeper understanding of your relationship with it, I encourage you to seek professional help. My therapist played a crucial role in helping me navigate and address this part of my life.